On being good (enough)

Dealing with self doubt as an artist

Each month, members of the international group of picture book illustrators called Illoguild answer a question here on Substack. February’s theme is: “How do you feel good as an artist?”

In the link above my fellow artists talk in detail about dealing with rejections to submitted art, being undervalued as artists and the importance of finding a supportive community to practice art, offer and receive critique, grow drawing skills and learn to cope with all kinds of challenges that this solitary occupation brings.

Rather than repeating what has already been said I will give you an example from my own artistic journey:

I’ve always loved to draw but haven’t started out as an illustrator. I got my diploma from textile and clothing design at the University of Ljubljana, my hometown. Back in the 90’s computers weren’t yet a common design tool and I learned to create fabric patterns the “analog” way, by drawing, photocopying, cutting, pasting and copying some more, experimenting with different techniques, drawing tools and types of paper.

Fast forward through years of fabric design, journalism and motherhood it was now September 2019 and I signed up for my first Make Art That Sells online course, determined to learn how to become an illustrator.

First assignment of the course: bolt fabric pattern. Not having much experience in digital media I went straight for glue and scissors, but I soon realised it wasn’t getting me anywhere - what seemed fun and exciting back in college now felt boring and obsolete…

It was time to take that digital leap I’ve been dreading… so I got myself an iPad pro and started to learn Procreate.

The beginnings were a bit rough, I would watch hours and hours of YouTube tutorials, trying to learn the most basic commands. But it got easier and with lots of practice my drawing got more confident.

After a couple of months, in November 2019, I was ready to submit my first MATS assignment, a “vintage kitchen” bolt fabric design.

I remember being very proud of that image so I made it my lock screen on the iPad. I got a chance to redo my design seven months later when teacher Lilla Rogers offered a live review for this assignment. By that time my Procreate skills were much stronger so I gave vintage kitchen another go and this is the result from July 2020:

Today, almost three years later, I could probably draw it even better - and I might give it a try to see where I can take this drawing next!

What is the moral of this story? We should learn to look back on our past achievements, remember how proud they made us feel and then be proud of how far we’ve come since and be excited about all the skills we have yet to learn. Artistic life is one of constant learning and growing so be sure to savour the process even if it sometimes feels like an impossible challenge. Be patient - the results will be visible in time!

PS: I still keep that drawing as my lock screen, it reminds me of how far I’ve come each time I pick up my iPad…